Joke 1

Poker advice:

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Joke 2

The best bet for a player to make is what is called a “mind bet.” You stand behind the game, watch the action, and attempt to predict the winner. You never bet any real money; you only bet in your mind.

Last week a friend of mine lost his mind three times.

Joke 3

Three buddies decide to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flies by and they all have a great time. After they return home and the men go back to work, they sit around at break time and discuss their vacation.

The first guy says, “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms and hollers ‘7 come 11’ all night! I haven’t had a wink of sleep!”

The second guy says, “I know what you mean. My old lady played blackjack the whole time and now she slaps the bed all night and hollers, ‘Hit me light or hit me hard!’ I haven’t had a wink of sleep either!”

The third guy says, “You guys think you have it bad? My old lady played slots the whole time in Vegas and now I wake up every morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!”

Joke 4

A woman is in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel catches her attention. She decides to play at the roulette table but says, “I have no idea what number to play.”

A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up.

The smile drifts from the woman’s face and she faints.

Joke 5

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end.

“We need a fourth for poker,” says the doctor’s friend.

“I’ll be right over,” whispers the doctor.

As he puts on his coat, the doctor’s wife says, “Is it serious?”

“Oh yes,” the doctor replies gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already.”

Joke6

Two friends, Smith and Jones, go together to play slot machines at the casino. Each agrees that when his allotted money is gone, he will go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for his friend. Jones quickly loses all of his money and goes to sit on the bench. He waits and waits and waits and waits. After what seems like an eternity, he sees Smith coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins.

“Hey, Jones,” says Smith, “how’d you do?”

“Well, Smith,” says Jones, “you see me here on this bench—what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though.”

“Oh yeah,” says Smith, “did I find a good machine! It’s way in the back. I’ll show it to you—you can’t lose! Every time you put a dollar in, four quarters come out!”